Transcript for: Changing the Identity of 
Justice 

REBECCA BALOG: Hi. Anpetu wašte. Hello, my name is Rebecca 
Balog. And welcome to "Changing the Identity of Justice." And 
this is held by the National Resource Center on Reaching Victims. 
So we can help those who help others. So that's what we're going 
to spend our time on today. 

So I just want to introduce myself and have a moment of 
wellness. So wherever you are. And just welcome you all to the 
shared time. We're going to have some good discussion. It's a 
direct discussion with you, but I hope to leave you with some 
tools and discussion points for your programs, and how you're 
helping other people in the field and the survivors of all the things 
that are going on in the antiviolence and racial justice work. 

So again, hi. Rebecca Balog. I have a consulting firm called 
Hybrid Love Stories. So the identity of justice is really unique in 
the way that we want to help the survivors in their work, or in 
their services, in their life ways, and their healing, and in their 
wellness. But also, we want to take care of ourselves and each 
other-- those that are doing the work. The activists, the 
advocates. Because we have to bring our whole selves to the 
table while we're helping others. 


So a little bit of background about me. I have burned some sage 
for this wellness, energy, and healing, and clearing out some of 
the difficult challenges that we've been facing in our energy, and 
just really take wellness in the place that we're at. Whatever your 
faith background, ethnicity, just sending good energy. So I think 
it's probably step one in the identity of justice. 

So a little bit about me. I'm celebrating my 20th year as an 
advocate. I'm a survivor of-- I'm an adult childhood survivor of 
violence. I am a sexual assault survivor, domestic violence, some 
other isms. I am native and Romani gypsy. Hungarian, Slovak 
Romani gypsy. So I have that hybrid love story in my family as 
I'm mixed race. I'm also Native and Buddhist in my spiritual faith. 
So there's another intersection and layer. And I am an advocate 
survivor. So we're going to talk about some of these things 
today. 

When I started in this field, I was middle management in a 
domestic violence hotline and shelter. And it was a YWCA 
association. And I very quickly recognized the hybrid love and 
that mixture of racial justice in the antiviolence work. 

And through those 20 years, I've worked with so many ethnicities 
and faiths. I've worked with crisis for advocates, when advocates 
are in a crisis. Whether it's secondary trauma, or they're facing 
historical trauma that's intersecting with that day-- that crisis call 
they received today. Working with survivors that are in programs 


that aren't developed to be inclusive to them. And that racial 
justice peace just is inherently embedded in antiviolence work. So 
there's that hybrid, that intersection again. 

You'll probably hear me say "hybrid love" the whole time, 
because that's the basis of identity and that experience with 
justice or injustice. 

So in those 20 years, I started looking inward in my healing and 
what the work meant to me as a survivor advocate, and 
navigating that on a day to day basis. And also looking through 
binoculars of the future and watching year, after year, after year, 
how we seem to be getting closer to where we are these days. 
Which is social change, social unrest, and big challenges to end 
power and privilege and oppression, while we're doing 
antiviolence work. 

So we get to talk about and really see how power and privilege 
plays in our movement and how that mirrors what's happening in 
the world today with racial injustice and domestic violence, and 
how that violence can really be cultivated. Watching advocates, 
and watching the words "racial justice" be embedded in our 
program for our advocates-- to be in training to serve survivors, 
but also each other and themselves has really brought that closer 
every year. So we don't need binoculars anymore. We know our 
lived experience. 


But now it's about sharing that lived experience with others who 
don't have that experience, who don't know what it's like to walk 
a day as a Native woman, as a Gypsy woman, or whatever your 
sexual orientation, ability, race, ethnicity, faith. All of those 
hybrid experiences. So that's what we want to talk about today, 
that everything is now within arm's reach. 

And I hope some of the tools that I'm going to offer today will be 
helpful. Some of them are going to be challenging, and we're 
going to need some bravery. Others will be a good fit and some 
not at all. 

But I'm really talking in a way that lifts the independent 
leadership of everyone who's listening, everyone who works in 
this field. So we can help raise the leadership of survivors that 
are making really big choices. That were just providing services 
and resources for them to go through. 

Overall goals for today. Identities and intersections, I talked a 
little bit about that. And historical impact, the emerging trends 
and issues that we're seeing today, what collaborative change 
really means-- not performative, but collaborative change in our 
daily life and how we navigate our systems and programs. And at 
the end, I'll review some of the tools that we talk about 
throughout. 


So we have an animation I want to show, or describe that photo 
here-- the animated silhouette of men and women in various 
heights standing next to each other. So there's diversity 
showcased on this image-- height, weight, classism, hairstyle. 
They're all silhouetted. So there's no race represented, 
necessarily, so they fit for everyone. 

And I like this picture because we want to talk about our whole 
self. So right now I'm talking to advocates and about advocates. 
And what it's like-- from storytelling, what it's like for me to 
navigate growing up in the mountains of Pennsylvania, being a 
brown girl in school, being a sexual assault survivor and a child 
violence survivor, in an area where I didn't see a lot of people 
that looked like me, and talked like me, had my individual 
experience. There was no Gypsies that I knew of, and there was 
one Native girl that we didn't even disclose to each other that we 
were Native until after high school and after graduation. And 
that's when we disclosed. 

So that was a missed opportunity. Because I graduated in 1993, 
and the world has definitely changed, but not enough. We're not 
there yet. There are still a lot of people that are unable to feel 
confident, and comfortable, and share their faith, ethnicity, 
whatever all of these isms can be. So are the whole self of our 
advocate. 


When we bring our whole self, and we're accepted in being our 
whole selves and authentically bringing the trauma that we're 
comfortable sharing as a storytelling opportunity. Sharing at a 
table the experience of a Gypsy woman in America, what that 
means. And then pulling that together with others that feel 
comfortable and safe being their whole selves at the table, that 
identity is going to do better work. 

I mean, it's very cut and dry. And it's the most simplest slide to 
go through for the presentation. How do we help each other be 
our whole selves-- in all the success, and trauma, or challenges-- 
and celebrate ourselves? Love ourselves? And give ourselves 
permission to turn off the video on the Zoom for the day, because 
we need a little self care, without getting side eye or snarky 
comments, or our supervisor or boss is like, no, I need you on 
video for this call. Like how do we weave and all of who we are 
and support each other doing the work in a way that fits our 
whole identity. 

And then the second piece, the whole self of the survivor identity. 
So that's the hybrid love of it. The love story of doing good work 
to heal so much anger, and hatred, and violence in the world. We 
want the people that we're working with to feel comfortable, to 
feel like the services are either made for them or adapted for 
them. That they fit-- they can see themselves in the program. 
They can see themselves in the course of counseling, medical 


advocacy, legal advocacy. That we're allowing them to bring their 
whole self. 

We have to bring our whole selves and have programs that are 
safe enough for us to put those things together. Otherwise, we're 
not practicing what we preach, I think, in the most simple way. 

So who are we? Who are we together, and who are we as 
individuals? And that intersection of our own identities really 
comes to the forefront that survivors coming to our program can 
feel that. Survivors and victims coming into our programs can 
feel when they're in a healthy environment, when they're in a 
healthy shelter. If there is unhealthiness in the workplace, 
survivors are going to pick up on that. And then we can talk 
about revictimization by [INAUDIBLE], negative, uncomfortable 
environments that we're working in. 

So I have a note here that says nihilism of others. And that just 
represents, in our world today, we're seeing some people just 
don't believe racism exists. Or we're just not seeing each other or 
believing each other's life experience. And that's where-- I'll talk 
a little bit later about wellness in the workplace and what that 
means on an individual, peaceful level, and what the benefits are 
going to be for the overall program. 

So we're just trying and aiming, in this day and age, to heal our 
own and solve our own paradox. And while we're doing so, also 


for the survivor. Because there is sovereignty, there is healing 
after violence. And we need to also watch ourselves and practice 
that for ourselves. And I'm speaking directly to leadership right 
now and board of directors, that that has to-- you know, 
unfortunately, there's a hierarchy in the system. And the 
leadership has to be profound. If we want to have healthy 
programs, it does start from the top down and creating those 
spaces and opportunities to do so. It's beneficial all the way to 
the services a survivor will receive. 

So identity as an intersection. Again, so here are some questions 
that we can ask ourselves. We can ask these questions in a team 
meeting. We can ask these in an all staff meeting, in a strategic 
planning session. The board should be asking each other these 
questions and working together to find the answers, so that there 
is no invisibility. 

So what are the identity intersections between providing services 
and receiving services? What intersections exist there? What 
identity intersections? Are the services prepared and welcoming 
for your community that's asking for services? How do we close 
that gap? How do we make meaningful change that embraces all 
identities? 

And we don't have to be all things. That's impossible. But we can 
build collaborations with other community programs, community 


leaders, other TA providers, other shelters-- counseling, legal, 
medical. It's all about collaboration. 

What do we individually and programmatically do to solve the 
problems that we see? And are we ready to start asking 
uncomfortable questions and asking uncomfortable questions to 
the right people? We know we can be ourselves and speak our 
truth when we're in safe spaces. 

But how do we bridge the gap between our team, or kiki with our 
sisters, and relatives, and gossip, or release? What we're having 
happening in our day, in our programs, or something that 
happened that was not good service to a survivor. How do we 
bring those uncomfortable questions into a safe space? And my 
answer for that is having leadership that is willing to do their own 
work in their own identity intersections and create safe spaces by 
doing their own healing work. 

Take a breath. So these questions are for all of us. We can also 
do an anonymous survey to create another safe outlet, to find out 
how your program is doing. Like an evaluation by staff of staff an 
evaluation of services made available to others. So leadership is 
absolutely essential for you to create these spaces. 

So I have a note here to remember wellness in the workplace is a 
really big deal. We're in this year with so much going on. And our 
self care could not be more important. And I don't use that in a 


performative way or an overused way. Self care and wellness is 
essential while we're doing crisis work. 

My email will be at the end of the presentation. And I'm happy to 
share quite a few culturally specific organizations that are 
focusing on wellness in the workplace, and they're really 
awesome. I can have a really bad day and speak to my mentor, 
and in two minutes, I'm feeling much better. It's all about the 
right fit for a mentor, and it's the right fit for your program. If 
you're willing to go through a wellness in the workplace day, 
hour, one staff meeting. Or if you're willing to do a 40 hour 
curriculum with your staff, it's beneficial. 

There's a lot of room for direct benefits with wellness in the 
workplace programming. And I can get some referrals if you'd 
like. 

So identities and historical trauma and historical impact. There's 
a lot that we already know. And what we know is our lived 
experience of our ancestors and our own families. Like my great 
grandmother, or my grandmother on both sides, the Native or the 
Romani side. And it's not about-- let me back up. So there are-- I 
have heard that people feel they don't want to have to teach 
someone who's not of their race how to understand their lived 
experience, or their historical impacts and trauma and how it 
affects today. 


Like when someone says, oh, get over it. Well, I don't want to 
have to teach you that unless you choose to. So that's been an 
interesting thing. I've heard it over the years but much more 
recently. And that's a personal decision, because it's based on 
their whole identity and how they're feeling comfortable in the 
moment. If you want to have that engaging conversation with 
someone who wants to do better with their invisible bias, or 
direct racism, and there is a possibility for a positive 
conversation, it's up to you if you choose to engage. And maybe 
you don't want to because-- like, I'm done. I'm not going to 
continue having this conversation with people who just don't hear 
me. So I think that's a really personal choice. One's not right and 
one's not wrong. 

So when we talk about all of the different historical impacts that 
are really bubbling up today, no one has to get over it, because 
they're still happening in their own way. Some of them are not 
even historical impacts. They're still going impacts in their 
impacts today. 

So what does wellness have to do with it? What does wellness 
and your historical healing have to do with your advocate 
identity? And how does that directly coincide with survivor 
identity, when your program isn't specific to the Gypsy culture, or 
Hispanic speaking culture, or Asian Pacific Islander. Right? What 
are those impacts? How are they showing up today? And are we 


getting trained or not being trained? Because we don't need to 
have a PhD in someone else's culture. But what we do need to 
have is collaboration with that culture to create a conduit or 
avenue to access. So the survivor has access to culturally specific 
services through non culturally specific programs, if that makes 
sense. 

So again, these are questions for you to just do the work. Do a 
homework assignment and work on yourself and answer in your 
whole self. Bring it to a staff meeting. Hash it out after 
uncomfortable questions to the board. The board meetings should 
have these questions and then an all staff strategic planning-- 
wherever it fits to take those steps-- to identities of injustice - to 
identify that. 

So for yourself, for your program, and for your service recipient, 
what are the historical impacts that are showing up? Are they a 
part of how you provide services and how survivors are receiving 
them? Are they a part of the plan? 

And when you identify that, what can you do to bring those 
historical impacts to the forefront when they show up today at 
work and on the street? What's happening when you clock out for 
the day? Are you going out in the street and receiving hate crime, 
snide remarks, violence, endangerment, fear? All of that. If we're 
feeling that, so are other human beings in the world. And how do 
we navigate that together in our wholeness. 


And again, finding ways to strategically plan and critically think 
about how to change how you provide services, and if you're 
missing important collaborations between cultures and faiths and 
all of the other identifiers. Lastly, how does the program add 
historical impacts into new, more comprehensive and trauma 
informed policy and practice? That goes back to the second 
question. So we identify them. We process them, find the gaps, 
and then work to fill those gaps. 

So I've been talking about this throughout. So identities and 
emerging issues. So we know how difficult things have been. And 
there is happiness. There is fear we've seen big changes this year 
and a lot of horrific tragedy so how are we weaving that into our 
anti violence work when we're experiencing that as human beings 
living, and our survivors are also going through other incredibly 
traumatic and tragic experiences? And the violence that they're 
surviving right now. It all is woven together. 

So we have to also ask the questions, how are these current 
issues and emerging issues affecting how we are doing our work? 
Because it's changing. We can't do what we did five years ago 
and be successful in our work. We have to adapt to what's 
happening now, right? I think so, and what are we seeing as new 
challenges or successes in our work? And how does this affect 
justice and healing for survivors? These are important questions. 


And a couple tools, and I'll go over this again at the end. One of 
the ways to address and identify and find the gaps and process 
healing, there's something called 360 degree mentoring. And that 
can be feedback from a survivor, an advocate who went to your 
program, or coalition, or a TA provider, your survey results. 
Getting feedback on how you're doing is really important. So 
that's one piece of mentoring. 

And the 360 degrees. So this has really helped me. Because I 
have that hybrid love experience. I'm a survivor advocate. I'm 
mixed race. I've had-- I've survived violence in the movement, by 
the movement, man. And I have mentors that are peer to peer. I 
have elder mentors. I have a wellness mentor and I have youth 
mentors. And the youth mentor is something a lot of people don't 
think about. But watching how our kids and the youth in our 
communities are adapting to this world, and making change, and 
breaking bad habits that we knowingly or unknowingly have while 
we do this work has been really enlightening for me. So I think 
that's a great tool, and it's a great opportunity to think about 
having a junior board. 

You have your board of directors. You have your staff. Why not 
have a junior board? For them to-- they're stakeholders in their 
own future. They're stakeholders in your work, and they're 
stakeholders in your community. So having their feedback is 
really valuable. 


And then tools of evaluation to enhancement. This goes back over 
the last couple of slides. Evaluate how you're doing and identify 
the gaps. As staff, and as the perspective of survivors, too. 

And then when we talk about emerging issues, you know, there 
have been-- there's been news in the movement. And I'm not 
into call out culture. But there is a benefit for bystander 
awareness and being a bystander in action. Like a prevention 
bystander is very valuable these days. They call it cancel culture, 
call out culture, put them on blast. You know, that's used 
sometimes in lateral oppression. But it's also used in social 
justice. And I think we've seen a lot of that happening. 

Just for example, for the last 20 or more years, there's been a 
strong hold of amazing people-- activists, and attorneys, and 
community members-- trying to change the name of a football 
team. And that happened this year. That was not call out culture, 
not cancel culture. But it was someone's bottom line is about to 
be affected. The side effect of that was also social justice, and 
unrest, and challenge, and success. Because they changed their 
name. 

That day that that happened, it was like, did that really happen? 
Because it was almost unbelievable. Or to see flags changed. Or 
to see statues come down, right? A lot of that has been youth 
movement. 


So we talk about leadership and how our own bad habits are 
embedded in colonized thinking of what leadership has 
traditionally looked like and what success means, right? So in this 
movement, there has been challenges. And this is where we need 
to improve. Because we are the first responders for violence 
elsewhere. So we have a lot of cleanup to do in the identity of 
justice. That there are leaders who are not doing the right thing. 
There are leaders that are leading organizations that are not of 
their lived experience. There's fraud and corruption and 
mismanagement. And all of these things are happening under the 
performative face of, I'm an activist. 

And that authenticity, that bystander prevention and activism, is 
how social change is happening today. So I just want everyone to 
put that in their pocket, that our movement needs to change 
along with it. Because we have cleaning house to do too. And we 
have to be what we wish to see in the world, right? So the 
violence in our movement must also change. 

And that brings the accountability to staff and how we're good to 
each other. And Tillie Black Bear said, be good relative to each 
other. And there is going to be a webinar honoring Tillie Black 
Bear in October. And I urge everyone to hear her indigenous 
voice about how being good relatives in our communities and 
violence in our homes, in our families and communities, and in 
the work. Be a good relative to each other. 


All of this is emerging. All of this change is happening. And it 
comes with lots of tragedy, so it's going to require a lot of 
healing, if that makes sense. 

OK. So what are the questions that we can ask in all of those 
meeting spaces and safe spaces, and in our private homework 
sessions? How do we stand on authentically, without the 
performative piece, on the right side of social change? On our 
right side of the new history that we're writing? And how do we 
go beyond the moment and think about the future? 

So what is it going to take to authentically be a strong heart 
warrior? To not-- to not think that that thing happened to them, it 
didn't happen to me, so I'm good. Right? That is what's been 
wrong with the world, if we take our own identity, and all the 
challenges that we've received-- racism, bystanders not helping, 
bystanders video recording but not interfering when something's 
happening. How do we go beyond the moment? How do we 
authentically change our own bias and limitations? And what 
healing do we have to do so we are righteous in our path? 

So what's happening to your sister at work isn't happening to 
you, but you're still invested that it's not right and we want to 
change it. So we ask the hard questions. And what are the action 
steps in being inclusive to victims' and survivors' needs when the 
right side of social change that affects them? And how do we find 


out? How do we get ready to make our own change in our 
program and services? How do we do it? 

So there's a 2020-- "service for survivors" is what I call it. And 
it's very simple. And I'm sure every executive director listening 
knows it. Staff know it. Boards definitely know it. And it's called a 
SWOT, and it's very simple. SWOT is an acronym for Strengths, 
Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats. 

Why are we doing SWOT analysis on how our program's doing? 
Not strategic planning, next five years, maintain funding, they 
stay sustainable. But how do we do a SWOT analysis on our 
program, the efficacy, the healthy behaviors, the healthy 
leadership, the responsibility of the board, and the responsibility 
of staff to each other, and our responsibility to survivors? 

So that's a really official, static, easy process. Because it's a 
SWOT analysis. Everything is already mapped out. You can get 
the information from so many different sources. You can get 
them online. You can get templates. And again, if you'd like to 
reach out, I'm happy to give referrals to consultants that do 
SWOT analysis, process, and outcome reports. So you can 
identify how you can navigate emerging issues and be on the 
right side of change. So what's happening now and in the future? 
With health and wellness being the primary focus. 


So I'm going to take a sip. Identities and collaborative change. So 
I have a list here of just an example. So I talked about this a 
couple of times. Authentic collaboration. Not something that looks 
good on your grant app. Not something that looks good when 
you're at the podium at an awards gala. Not something that looks 
good on your fundraising page. But authentic collaboration and 
allyship or another-- I don't like the word "allyship," it's changed 
a little bit in the performative atmosphere. But another word is 
just a helper. That's traditional language in our communities for 
other things, and it just fits really well. It's less pompous, or 
something. I'm just a helper. Instead of, I'm an ally. Right? 

So symbolic signaling is a part of that. What is your authentic 
engagement in something that's happening in the world? It's 
good to share something on Twitter or Instagram or Snapchat or 
Facebook. And information sharing is healthy. But is it symbolic 
signaling? And are our programs saying, we're all inclusive. But 
are we? And you'll find that through the SWOT analysis. 

And then accountability to each other. If we're really not doing as 
good as we could be in anti-blackism, or disabilities, accessibility 
things, or being inclusive to faith. Are our shelter programs really 
developed for someone who has a unique cultural lifestyle? Is 
there space for that? And for goodness sake, we're still not up to 
date on the LGBTQ community or two-spirit access in our 


shelters. Like what are we doing? Let's identify them. Because it's 
here and now. 

We want to be on the right side of change. So that SWOT analysis 
is going to be really good for that. And there are-- if you'd like to 
email me again, I'm happy to give referrals for really great 
models in projects and how to make some of those-- how to 
adapt your policy and practice. 

And then from unintentional performative, which is accidental, to 
intelligible performance in services and meaningful change. So I 
have a little bit of reading, and I apologize. But there is 
something called, who's driving the bus? And I learned this in my 
second year in my career being a survivor in victimhood in my 
heart. I was unhealthy, unwell. I was in fear. I was in trauma. 
And joining this movement really helped heal me and continues 
to do so. 

So it was the second year in at a YWCA, in violence intervention 
and prevention and doing that work. It was called, who's driving 
the bus? So the news is full of change making decisions, 
incidents, successes, and challenges and problems. We're walking 
in our own whole identities, advocating for survivors who are also 
walking in their identities, and who, most often, as a fault of that, 
of those gaps in our experiences, they're in a conduit of potential 
revictimization and survivordom. 


So there is a non-profit founder and president who wrote this in 
2012. And he does the healthy nonprofit organization. His name 
is Eric. And he wrote, bad behaviors happen from good people. 
Are they covered up? How does injustice show up? Who holds 
them accountable? Who's driving the bus, and where's the bus 
going? 

That's pretty easy to identify, right? Nope. Because I see 
everyone making similar decisions in very different ways. Why? 
Because it isn't easy. And every non-profit organization has a 
different culture with different levels of organizational capacity 
and diversity. 

Why do staff let this happen? Is it because we really don't want 
the headache of having to rebuild or find a consensus? Or is it 
because of time constraints? Why do boards let this happen? Is it 
because they don't know what the right answer is and, in the 
end, would just rely on staff to inform them of their opinions and 
then not use it? Or is it they don't understand their roles and 
responsibilities as board members? Or is it simply lack of time? 

And regardless of how you answer any of these questions, does it 
really change the fact that there is a right answer to a big picture 
question, and our responses are smaller questions that really just 
amount to nothing more than a rationalization, and a justification 
for doing something that we know is wrong? 


All this does is raise some serious governance issues that most 
nonprofits and services, of all shapes and sizes, struggle with this 
on a daily basis. 

So we find out what examples of our own agency or program is 
dealing with these new issues. And we can just-- here it is-- learn 
from each other. So the answer to who's driving the bus? The 
answer is not the board, not the ED, not the staff who's working 
one on one with the survivor, and not just the survivor. 

The answer is, we're all driving the bus. And as, in 2012, Eric 
Anderson represents hearing us. We do that by asking difficult 
questions and not rationalize or justify our failures. But we 
identify where to make that change. And I love that. I wanted to 
share. Sorry for all the reading. 

OK. So who's navigating? What does it look like and to whom? 
We should be finding out all of these answers in a SWOT and in a 
question and answer. Do it a survey. Do it at a staff meeting. 
Make it a staff retreat day-- a wellness retreat, where you're 
hashing out the challenges in your program, the relationship 
within the staff and the workplace, and also how it benefits 
survivors to do that work. How does that benefit the individual? 
The ED? The administrative assistant? The person? That 
counselor? How does that affect every level to practice wellness, 
to heal, and to be able to bring your whole identity into the work 


that allows a survivor to bring their whole identity into their 
justice process? Right? 

And then we go on to the medical advocate, the legal advocate, 
legislation, global change. And it has to start with this change 
that we're talking about. And that's the whole self of the advocate 
or survivor, or your neighbor, or your colleague. Because that has 
everything to do with it. And you all have to decide, should you 
do this work, for yourself, or for all the help I have mentioned. 
How do you find a way? It's very specific to the individual or the 
program, what fits and what doesn't. 

But it's not up to just leadership to make that decision. Even that 
decision of what we need has to be a collective voice. Because 
we're breaking down hierarchies, right? 

So going through some of the identities and reviewing basic tools, 
I'll be happy to help in any way. I'm not the expert. I don't like 
that word. But I love to be a conduit of-- and being a helper. So a 
lot of these tools are not anything I created. I'm just passing 
someone else's good work that is full of wellness and healing and 
identifying gaps in strategic planning. 

So some of these will be from me, most of them not. So the first 
tool was this service for survivors SWOT analysis. Strengths. 
What are they? Weaknesses. What are they? What are your 


opportunities and threats-- of your program, staff, and survivors 
in your program or organization? 

The next one was, who's driving the bus and who's navigating? 
Where do you need to go, and who's on the bus? We could be 
driving it together. 

Identities and reviewing tools. Again, that 360 degree. Now that 
can be a program response-- a tool for your entire organization to 
have a junior board. Maybe a junior board member. Start there. 
Start small. You know, you have to check your bylaws. You may 
have to make some edits. You have to check your funding 
streams. And do it with unity across staff and board to make sure 
that there's no conflict of interest with younger people coming 
into your program. 

I think there's ways that we have movement babies, I call them. I 
have two teenage boys. I've been doing this 20 years, and I've 
got a 15 and a 17-year-old. So their entire life has been 
embedded in this movement. So if there's a good opportunity for 
them to participate with their voices, in their engaging men and 
boys work that I constantly try to weave into their life with 
conferences and family talks. But should they become a junior 
board member that has any kind of oversight or contribution to 
my life? No. So we have to be really careful. But keep space for 
those youth that are really engaged in whatever work that we're 
doing specifically. 


So that 360. On a personal level, I do recommend having a youth 
mentor, someone who sees the world as it is today, without all of 
the baggage I've seen over 20 years, and the violence I've seen, 
and the system failures, and corruption, and, you know, awful 
incidents over the years that are happening to survivors on the 
street and seeing failure with sex trafficking victims. The really 
slow changes at the community level, to not be a bystander that 
looks away. You're a prevention bystander and it's not good with 
you that things are happening. 

So youth have a different perspective. If we really take a look at 
what has happened with some of the social change, the youth are 
leaders. In a lot of the biggest things that are happening, the 
successes have really been a response from youth. 

Diversify your mentorship, as well, is having a youth board or a 
youth mentor. There's different facets in your life, and there's 
different facets in your program, that one size does not fit all with 
mentorship or collaboration. 

What does wellness have to do with it? Again, that's a wellness in 
the workplace. Your wellness in the workplace could have a 
consultant come in and do some really awesome-- and I know 
some awesome programs-- that can come in and help navigate 
sticky snarky stuff that's happening in the office, or lateral 
oppression that's happening. Or say that there is a really horrific 


crisis in the community that people just require help. There's 
organizations that can do all of that. 

And on a personal note, because we're talking about wholeness, 
we have got to be self care oriented for ourselves. Heal. I'm still 
on a healing journey. I've had a lot of life experience with things I 
wish I hadn't. But it's a part of my journey, so I'm working on 
that healing journey. With help from my wellness mentor, who's a 
goddess. 

There is also the collaboration piece. For example, say you're a 
white mainstream looking organization, and you have other races 
coming in that they're-- when they're coming in, they don't see 
themselves on your staff. Or it could be a highly specific culture 
of a survivor that comes in, or LGBTQ spirit that isn't represented 
in your staff. 

No one needs to throw every cis hetero abled white-- like no one 
needs to throw people away. Because there's good people 
working in all facets of the human realm, right? But that 
collaboration piece. Having a collaboration with a black 
organization, with a native community leader, with an Asian 
Pacific Islander shelter. Having collaboration and authentic access 
is a way for you to do better in your program. 

But you will have to look at difficult questions, healthy risks, and 
have really brave moments to do that analysis. And where are we 


willing to relinquish our power and privilege? Right? We have to 
relearn to relinquish that in our work to make space for other 
leaders to come forward. Tell us what to do right. Tell us what 
we're doing wrong. And wellness has everything to do with it, 
with all of those aspects. I think. 

So the last one, evaluation to enhancement, I think that's an 
overarching outcome of this entire presentation. But that is the 
tool to put forth. Evaluate how you're doing and enhance what 
you're doing. And that's going to take the whole process to be a 
cohesive machine without power and privilege and without 
ignoring the things that we need to heal in ourselves or in our 
programming. 

And then that leads to ownership versus leadership and the 
hybrid love model. And that sounds really bougie and really 
fancy. But it really just means, work together and collaborate. 
Relinquish where you have power and privilege. Do the work to 
heal your own internal biases, and know that there's no shame in 
doing the work. It's a celebration. 

We do see in a lot of the world that people have no shame with 
racism. And people have no shame with having a building full of 
trafficked girls to make money. There is a lot of no shame out 
there. So I think we can take that and reclaim that and have no 
shame that, I need to do better being a helper to the black 
community. 


I think I've done, I've participated in protests. I've shared 
information. I've linked colleagues together. I've had 
conversations with youth, trying to be a good helper. But if that 
community is not in a safe space with equity, and they can drive-
- I just saw that documentary Driving While Black. I have to keep 
learning. So until we're all equal, I'm going to be busy. And we 
can't be all things to everybody, so that's where the collaboration 
comes in. 

So the hybrid love model is wholeness and bringing ourselves to 
the table. And lastly, in the ownership versus leadership, is being 
a good relative to each other. Again, I'm going to reference-- 
Tillie Black Bear is a webinar to celebrate the work that she has 
done in our movement. And I think that's coming up in October. 
So do a Google for that or email me. 

Oh, in closing, I have my smudge. I have my sage. I want to 
share good energy for everyone. I really want to thank the 
National Resource Center for Reaching Victims. Because helping 
those who help others, I think that's the evaluation to 
enhancement piece. How are we helping the people that are on 
the front lines of our work, making hard decisions? And how are 
we not going to be a bystander when this work gets hard? 
Because we're stronger together. 

Thank you for sharing your time with me. I hope some of these 
tools-- to some of you, you may be well beyond this. And this 


may be not helpful or so obvious, or you've been there, done 
that. But I hope, for others, that you'll find some of these tools to 
be helpful. Because we're all asking ourselves, how do we do 
better when we're doing work that seems to be getting more 
challenging by the day? So we have to adapt by the day as well. 

I'm happy to help like, I mentioned throughout, to give 
connections and collaboration opportunities, models and 
consultants, the whole shebang. My email is right there-- 
hybridlovestories@gmail.com. And I'm really grateful again to the 
NRC for the opportunity to do this work together. Love you lots. 
Thank you.